Real Life

Week three......It's starting out as a pretty tough week.  I'm a little mad at myself today.  I kind of screwed up the whole weekend.  I just went nuts with eating a lot of wrong foods.  I don't want to weigh this morning out of fear of what it might say.  But I'm back on the wagon now and I'm going to do much better.  I think I'm going to start Weight Watchers on my own(not go to meetings because I can't afford it) and try and maintain some structure to my eating habits.

Today started out pretty hard.  I have been thrown back into reality.  The first two weeks were going pretty smoothly and then Alexis was up half the night and then decided to get up at 5:30am this morning.  Needless to say, I'm exhausted from lack of sleep.  It was really hard to find the gumption to workout this morning.  But I stuck with it, took Alexis out in the garage with me and did my workout!  I was even able to get up to 20 minutes like I wanted to.  I feel good about it and I'm going to buckle down and get back on track.  Just because I had a small downfall this past weekend doesn't mean I'm going to quit.  Minor setback. 

Nowhere To Go But Up!

Endurance...UP.  Motivation....UP.  Mood...UP. 

I just rocked my last workout of the week and I finished more than strong!  I decided to start with the elliptical machine today.  Low and behold, I was able to continue past five minutes.  So I kept going at a steady pace.  And wouldn't you know?  I was at 15:35 before long.  I feel amazing!  I feel like I got a great cario/strength training workout and also don't feel like I pushed myself too hard.  I think next week I'm ready to move up my time.  But I'm not going to be devistated if I don't make it to twenty minutes.  If I can make it to 17 or even 18 I'll be happy because I know regardless that I'm pushing myself!  I'm feeling pretty dandy right now.  Life is looking up.

There is nowhere to go but up for me!

Scales and BMI calculators, you are the weakest link! GOODBYE!

I have been feeling great!  This second week, even with some downs has actually been a lot easier than last week.  I'm starting to feel a lot stronger the more I do this.  Another strength training session down today and it feels good.  My muscles are pulsating with the joy of working out!  I've been maintaing a healthy eating pattern as well.  But I've decided some things are just not that important to me now.  The two big things are the scale, and the BMI calculator.  I don't think I'll ever be 130 lbs which is where the BMI states I should be to be a healthy normal weight.  I think I'm okay with that.  But I know that continuing to put pressure on the scale and those calculators are a waste of time and a mental breakdown waiting to happen.  I found these words from a guys blog on Sparkpeople.com.

"The scale and the calculator? Not helpful. Exercise, nutritious eating, and a positive attitude? Very helpful. I'm dumping the former and choosing the latter." SANDIEGOJOHN-

So I'm taking that advice.  I know that thinking about the scale and where doctors say I should be is their opinion.  I know I can still be cury, still be "plus size", and still be healthy.  So I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing and not worry so much about the scale.  I'm going to go off of how my body feels and how my body looks.  If my pants fit looser than I know I'm on the right track!

Signing off for now!

Keep up the great work those of you that are in this weight-loss battle! We can do it!

Okay...I think That was the hardest one yet!

Oh my expletive expletive expletive.  Today's workout was by far the hardest I've done.  But I got it done.

I woke up this morning exhausted and without much reason.  I couldn't keep my eyes open while the baby ran around and watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed under my warm covers and sleep.  We laid the little one down for a nap and got ready to go get our workout done.  My whole being was just telling me not to do it.  It was the devil on my right whispering in my ear.  "You know you don't have to do this" he tells me.  Yes I do.  "Why, you are tired and you did good the two days you worked out. You can take a break today." No I can't. My break days are the weekend. And if I take a break day today, I'll take a break day tomorrow, and so on and so forth.  I'll end up quiting like I always do.  So I pushed myself to get off my ass and just do it.

At first it wasn't too difficult. I could feel my endurance lasting a little longer and not getting tired as quickly.  But that was just on the stationary bike.  After ten minutes I came face to face with my enemy.......The elliptical machine.  In my opinion one of the hardest things to workout on.  It's not only a great cardio machine but it also provides strength training as well.  I set out to do 5 minutes.  Didn't seem like too daunting of a task.  I started out and yeah I could feel the burn but it wasn't too bad.  I can do this.  two and a half minutes past and I can feel my legs start to wobble a little bit.  I keep pushing.  Three and a half minutes.  I'm starting to burn everywhere. Four minutes. Four and a half. Four minutes, fifty seconds. Count down the last ten and I'm finished!!! I felt like I was on fire everywhere.  My legs burned, my lungs burned, my arms burned. But I did it. I finished my goal I set out to do and I'm glad I did.  My legs still feel like jello, but I know it will get a little bit easier each time I do it.

Week 2 Day 3 down and only two left to go! I can make it!

Strength Training

Today was the beginning of my strength training routine.  I am going to do 15 minutes of cardio monday, wednesday, and friday, and about an hour of strength training tuesday and thursday.  I feel pretty good.  I feel sore in places I never thought I had..lol. I guess that's what happens when you start moving your body.  I worked out with Carson today.  It was a lot of fun.  He knows a lot more about strength training than I do so he helped me with my form and he was my spotter when I did bench presses.  We did some medicine ball partner workouts which I absolutely love!  We can't afford a real medicine ball yet so we used Alexis' bouncy ball that was roughly the same size as a medicine ball.  Hey, don't judge!  You gotta start somewhere right? ^_^  I am loving these changes and I'm glad I got my husband to do the change as well.  He's a little ancy to see results right away and I must admit I'm the same way sometimes.  We help keep each other in check.  We want this to be a long term thing.  I don't want to just use a quick method that doesn't help you keep it off.  I think how easy it would be to just order Nutrasystem and have my meals made for me, but honestly, I don't think that method really works.  You may lose weight, but you don't actually LEARN anything about eating right. I'm going to do it the slow way. The right way.  The only way I know how.  And I'm going to work harder than I ever have, but it will all be worth it in the end.

Week 2 Day 1

So here we are.  Week two, day 1 of the rest of my life! 

I was unfortunately woken up at 5:30am this morning by Alexis.  Little one has been battling a bad diaper rash again.  She was up every couple of hours.  Needless to say it was very difficult for me to start my workout this morning.  But Carson hung out with her for a little bit while I went and did my workout.  It was a little too chilly this morning outside so I decided to break out my Wii Active game.  Damn that game rocks!  I started out with some running and walking for a few minutes and then switched to cardio boxing for a few more minutes, then finally did some passing and shooting 'basketball'.  Those workouts might not seem like much but boy do they kick your ass.  I didn't up my time limit on my workout yet.  I still think I'm going to stay with 15 minutes again this week and then next week I'm upping it to 20.  Slow and steady wins the race!  I need to remember to pace myself or I'll burn myself out. 

I'm so glad I decided to just get up and do my workout earlier.  I feel great and energized and am now enjoying a really yummy berry protein shake I made!  I'm using the protein shakes to help me recover from my workouts, plus a breakfast alternative since breakfast is my hardest meal.  The recipe is super easy and delicious!

Very Berry Shake

1 cup non-fat milk
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened strawberries
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries
1 cup frozen vanilla yogurt (I used regular yogurt because I didn't have frozen)
1-2 scoops whey protein powder

OH MY GOODNESS it's delicious!  Nice and thick and creamy.  I'll take this for breakfast any day! 

Okay okay.  I know.  I've been putting it off.  You're probably all wondering about my weigh-in.  Well.... Drumrole please...............

Last weeks weigh-in 01/17/2011: 308 lbs

This weeks weigh-in 01/24/2011: 306.5 lbs!!!

OH YEAHHHHH! It's not a great number but I'm down and that's all that matters to me!  I'm actually looking forward to this week.  I'm feeling very excited about losing weight, exercising and eating healthy! I raise my protein shake up in a toast to healthy and long life! Salud!!!

Week One Down

It's been a pretty good weekend.  I thought it was going to be daunting what with having a free day for food and a free day for exercise.  It hasn't been as bad as I expected.  It actually has been pretty easy to continue to eat healthy.  I did have my one splurge of the week and that was to go to Astro Burgers.  I was going to get a burger but decided instead to get a chicken kabob plate.  It was soooo yummy and the fries were great.  But honestly, I don't really find myself wanting it all the time.  I've been craving healthy foods like fruits and vegetables, so that's what I'm going to give my body.  I have started to notice some immediate changes in my body already in just a weeks time.  Since I exercised everyday I've noticed my body is not as stiff and sore as it usually is when I just sit like a lump on the couch.  I've slept a lot better and I don't feel so sluggish.  That is also a part of changing my diet as well.  I can feel my digestive system flowing a lot smoother!  I don't feel like I have indegestion all the time.  It's been a wonderful feeling. 

Tomorrow is weigh-in day.  I'm actually looking forward to it, but I'm not going to be upset if the numbers haven't changed.  I know that each person is different in the way they lose weight.  If the number hasn't changed, that's okay.  I know that I'm changing things for the better and I'm on my way to healthier me!  The number on the scale will come, but for once I'm not going to be obsessed with it.  It can be disheartening when it only shows you've lost a pound, so I'm not going to pay too much attention to it.  I'm going to keep going down the road that I'm on continue to change my life!  Afterall, this is a LIFESTYLE change.  I have to change the way my mind works as much as the food and exercises. 

One week down!  Bring it on week two! ^_^

Workout Week 1 Accomplished!

I'm so happy with myself right now! I set out a goal to work out everyday this week and I did it! I just accomplished my last workout of the week. Now I'll give myself the weekend to let my body recover. I'm going to keep up with my healthy eating habits the rest of the weekend. Just because I'm not working out doesn't mean I don't get a break from eating healthy. 

This week has been a struggle but an exciting one as well.  I set out to do a lot of things and I'm slowly doing it!  Every other time I've said I'm going to lose weight and that I've had it being this heavy, it never seems to happen.  I guess it comes down to I wasn't ready to change all those times.  The light bulb has come on in my head finally and I really do feel like I'm on the right track.  I've been eating much healthier and I'm happy to report that I have only had two sodas this week.  That's a huge difference from drinking at least 48 oz. every day.  I've been pounding the water, eating vegetable, eating fish, and turkey burgers. I feel great! I don't feel all sluggish like I do when I eat crappy foods and lots of fast food.  I feel like I am regainin my energy.  I sleep better at night and wake up more refreshed.  I am starting to feel the happiness inside me come out to the surface! 

I took some really embarassing before shots yesterday.  It was depressing to look at them but it's also a great motivator.  I'll be posting them shortly and every two weeks I'm going to take an updated shot so maybe we can start seeing the changes!

There were tears shed, body aching, and many thoughts of wanting to just throw in the towel.  But I did it!  I didn't give up and I pushed through it!  Cue the motivational music!

Discouragement Not An Option

I did my workout today.  I felt like crying but Carson talked me up.  I started out with 5 minutes on the elliptical machine and I could feel the burn throughout my entire body.  So I stopped at 5 minutes and went back to the stationary bike and I was planning on doing 10 minutes so I could keep my 15 minute workout routine.  I didn't make the 10 minutes on the bike.  I felt so discouraged. I felt like I had given up.  But my legs just wouldn't go anymore.  I can barely walk up the stairs as it is right now.  Carson talked to me for a while and helped me understand that the elliptical is a much harder machine to workout on than the stationary bike is.  Plus I'm 308 lbs of bad body weighing down on my legs.  He helped me understand that at least I still went out and did my workout. Even though it was only 10 minutes instead of 15 minutes.  It's still hard not to feel down about it but I've decided that discouragement is just not an option right now.  I have gone from no movement to A LOT of movement in just a few days.  I've been watching what I'm eating and I haven't given up yet.  I will not give up!

Workout Kicked My Ass But I Kicked Right Back!

Day Three!

Todays workout kicked my ass! In a good way of course! Today had been the hardest day yet for workout.  The last two days I've been taking it a little bit easier. Taking it slow to get my body adjusted.  I have been working out on the stationary bike for 15 minutes at 18 mph. It doesn't sound like much but it is definately great cardio!

Today I wanted to do things a little bit different.  I have a Wii and I have the Wii Fit game and Wii Active. I prefer Wii Active myself.  It has some pretty intense workouts on there.  I decided I wanted to do more cardio and a little bit of I guess it could be strength training.  So I decided today that I would do 10 minutes on the bike and then do some boxing on the Active for about 5 minutes.  I'm still wanting to stick to my 15 minute workout for this week. Next week I'm thinking of upping it to 20. Small steps = SUCCESS!

I started my workout on the bike and right away my muscles in my legs were screaming at me to stop.  I pushed through it though and made my ten minute mark.  I then came inside to do my boxing routine which consisted of target hitting and heavy bag. (This is all on a video game mind you, but it works!)  Four different sets of target hitting and then heavy bag nearly made me want to quit right away. I had one more workout left to go and my whole body was on fire! I had to push through. I can't quit! I WON'T quit!  I won't let the pain have the power over me! It kicked my ass royaly but I kicked right back and threw it in it's face!

TAKE THAT WORKOUT!!!!!

Why must I eat?

It's day three and I'm finding today rough.  My husband had a really yummy looking breakfast this morning. Two eggs, toast, and fried potatoes with cheese.  My mouth was drooling so bad.  I had oatmeal. It was delicious, but my brain was yelling many expletives at me for not eating the other. I'm trying not to tell myself that I'm on a diet. I'm really not. There isn't much structure to the way I'm changing things. I know what I need to change so I'm changing it. I know more than anything, it's the amount of food I'm eating more than WHAT I'm eating.  But still, there are lots of things that I want really bad but I need to have the willpower to not indulge.  I've been trying to find ways to make my mind think it's getting the yummy great fattening stuff without actually eating the really yummy fattening stuff. It's a lot harder than it sounds. >_<

I wish someone could hypnotize me. LOL I don't think that would work, but hey, it could be an option.....
I am starting to realize that my addiction is food.  It's such a horrible one to have. I think I'd rather be addicted to drugs.  At least there is a treatment program for it.  Being addicted to food is another story.  We as humans need sustenance.  I wish I could just walk around with an IV in my arm feeding me the necessary nutrients that way I wouldn't have to think about it.  *sigh*

These are the moments where I just need to slap myself across the face and wake up! I need to stop making excuses for myself and get off my lazy ass and do it. I know I have it in my to change! I will change. I will stop at nothing to get my life on track.

Night Shift

I am realizing that although this is only day two, I have a TON of bad habits to break. One of my biggest ones is not eating late at night.  One of the things that I've found hard about this is I work the night shift. It's only a few hours every night it's in the crappiest time frame.  I work 6pm-9pm. I have to leave at 5pm to get to work on time because it's quite far away. So I get to eat dinner at 4pm or 4:30pm. I've been trying to find foods that are filling enough to carry me through the rest of the night.  When I was on my way home from work last night, it would have been so easy for me to stop and get a cheeseburger. I almost did. But I pushed myself to just go home. I had some water and tried to forget about it.  That and drinking soda pop are going to be my two hardest things to get over.

I just keep telling myself that it took me years of bad habits to get this way so it's going to take quite a while to break these habits.

Day Two here I come!
I'm off to start my workout in the garage.

Getting Started

This is new. I've nevver been much into blogging, but I figure I'll do just about anything to help encourage myself to get on this track.  I really think the inspiration for this was my cousin Chris Crosby.  He is a big guy and I love him so much.  He has recently begun a journey to better himself by losing weight and getting his life back.  Well, it's made me want to do the same. There have been other things that motivated me to start losing weight for real this time.  My beautiful daughter Alexis.  She is my world and I really want to be there for her as she grows up.  I can barely run around with her for long before I get winded and exhausted.  She is so full of life and energy and I don't want her to feel like mommy doesn't want to play because she can't keep up.  The other thing that really hit me hard was seeing a new tv that is airing tonight.  It's called Heavy.  All I've seen have been previews and commercials about what the show is going to showcase.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  These people were huge.  And it made me want to cry to see how badly they were struggling.  I started thinking to myself, 'how am I any different?' I'm not THAT big. But then I realized something very hard to swallow.  I'm only a breath away from being there if I don't start changing things right now.  So I woke up this morning and put my mind to it.  I went outside, pulled out the excersise bike, and started peddling.  I knew that I couldn't push myself too hard.  I've been not-so-trying to lose weight for several years now and I know that the things I used to do don't work.  So I started slow. Peddling about 6 mph to get my legs warmed up so I wouldn't have a cramp.  Then slowly I upped it to 10 mph, then 15. I kept a steady pace of 15 mph for 15 minutes.  Some of you may be thinking, 'well that's not very much time.' I understand this, but when you haven't really excersised, it's difficult to get right into the swing of things.  I've tried this before and like I stated earlier, it didn't work. 

So day one is here.
308lbs

I haven't set too many goals for myself.
The main ones are:

1. Don't check the scale everyday.
2. No eating late.
3. No soda pop.

These are my first goals.  I want to start small. I don't want to overwhelm myself and doom the process to fail. What have I got to lose?