Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I'm Still Here

Yes everyone, I am still here.  I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday because it was just a busy day.  But I'm back! And I have yet another workout session under my belt.  It really sucked though. Sucked hardcore! LOL. It was difficult. It was painful. But as always, it was worth it.

Today was kind of an emotional workout for me though.  As I was getting past my warm-up and starting to up the intensity of my workout, I started to hear the awful things and chants that kids used to say to me back in elementary and junior high.  I just wanted to stop what I was doing right there and go hide and cry.  I'm not sure exactly why these things popped up.  I've been over it for many years and I have a happy life, so I didn't really care anymore about it.  But there it was.  I was back in fourth grade again.  It was recess, and all the kids were outside playing over by the playground.  I was fairly new to the school as we had just moved to West Jordan.  I remember it so vividly as if it were yesterday.  A group of mostly girls and some boys started to form a circle around me.  Then one girl started to chant "1-800-JENNY" and everyone else started joining in.  I was so horrified and hurt that I wanted to run away but couldn't.  I was frozen.  Finally a teacher came and broke it up but said nothing.  I went on with the rest of my day, but I had fallen inside myself and didn't look at anyone or say anything.

That is just one of the things that happened to me while I was growing up.  So, while I was working out, I pushed and I pushed even further. I could feel the sweat dripping down my face and the saltiness sting my eyes.  But I had to go forward.  Yes, they are all grown and may have families now. They may even have forgotten all about that day.  But I will not let them beat me. I will not let them continue to win.  I WILL NOT let my daughter go through that. I have to become a good role model for her so that she doesn't have to.

I'm not angry at the people who hurt me while I was growing up.  It's not worth it to hold a grudge this many years later.  But I will never forget them.  I will use it to better myself and to take a stand against obesity! This skin suit does not make me who I am and I will still be here fat or not. I just need to make the outside of my body match my mind! I know I can do it.  Thank you for everyone who has given me such positive and uplifting words of encouragement.  I will not fail this. Failure is not an option!

1 comment:

  1. Love this blog post.. I was made fun of a lot as well.. Great job Angie.. I think you had a great breakthrough today. You are inspiring me and my example.

    Love you!