Walking my way to a Skinnier Me!

It's monday! Start of a new week.  Start of new goals.  I really wanted to exercise this morning, but Alexis just wanted to go outside and play.  Then it dawned on me.  Why don't we go for a walk?  I got Alexis ready and got myself ready, grabbed her stroller and away we went.  It was such a nice morning to go for a nice brisk walk.  It was a little chilly, but I dressed Alexis up nice and warm, and as for me, well it felt good because I was sweating.  It was so nice getting out in the fresh air and smelling the lilacs blossoming.  Alexis kept pointing out airplanes and they flew in the sky and telling me each kind of vehicle that came down the road.  I'm glad the weather is starting to get nicer becaue I am loving going outside for my workouts.  I'm no where near running yet, but I think a nice long and brisk walk will deffinately do the trick.  I walked the farthest yet and I couldn't believe I had the stamina to keep going.  I walked from our house which is just past 9000 south in West Jordan, down to where there is a cross walk just before the soccor field.  That is almost to 10400 south! I went all the way down and then all the way back all while maintaning a great pace and never slowing down except when we were crossing the street.   It was 1.1 mile one way! It was freaking awesome and  I feel fabulous right now!

Blog Has Been Negleted

I haven't posted anything for a while.  I've kind of been ignoring this on purpose.  I hit a rough patch with my weight loss for a while and just wasn't feeling motivated.  I know I should have written about it because maybe it would have kicked me into gear again quicker.  But things happen for a reason I guess. I'm back and feeling great!  I finally kicked off of my weight loss plateau.  When I started this journey, I weighed in at 311.7 pounds.  Yikes that's a scary number.  But after talking to some doctors, getting blood tests, and what not, I finally broke free!  I am currently down to 297.5! I hit my first goal which was to get under 300 lbs and I did it! I've really concentrated on my diet and adding in more and more exercise.  I still have bad days, but I've finally excepted that it's okay.  Bad days happen, and I know it won't be the last time.  Last week I ate like crap.  And you know what?  I felt like crap to.  Sluggish, bloated, couldn't sleep.  I kicked myself in the ass again and said to myself, if this crap food makes you feel like crap, then why are you still eating it?  The answer to that?  I'm just a glutton for punishment I guess.  Last week I weighed in a 295 lbs.  And I gained 2.5 lbs back.  But that's okay.  I'm not going to beat myself up anymore.  I'm not going to drop the weight in six months.  It didn't take me six months to put on this much weight.  It took me a few years.  And it will most likely take a couple years to get it back off.  I want to do this the right way. I want to drop the weight slowly and healthy so that my body has a chance to catch up.  I don't want to end up with bags of flabby skin because I dropped weight too fast.  I want to tone and strengthen.  I want a great body the right way! 

So today, I got up early with Alexis. We had a nice breakfast and watched a little T.V. for a while.  Then, I hooked up my Wii and fut in the Wii Fitness and started a workout.  I started out slow with some simple cardio stuff and worked my way up.  I even got Alexis to do a Wii Fit jog with me! That was the best part.  Seeing my daughter get excited by my example.  It was a major empowerment for me and it boosted my goal to finish a good, solid workout!  She is the one that keeps the fire lit within me.  I loved working out in front of her because I knew I was setting a good example of a healthy lifestyle for her.  More than anything in this world, I want for her to not have to grow up like me.  Being the fat girl.  I want to set it in her mind now that eating healthy and exercising is fun.  So I pushed through the workout.  I couldn't believe myself when I was done.  I had done a 40 minute workout.  It's the longest workout I've done to date! And you know what? I feel worn out, but not exhausted like I worked myself too hard.  I feel good and my body feels that much stronger.  I did 30 minutes of cardio, 5 minutes of balance training, and 5 minutes of strength training.  I'm sweaty and I can feel my muscles aching slightly.  But I feel I could do anything right now.  I know this is a process and like anything in life worth gaining takes time and patience and practice. 

So thanks for those of you follow this blog.  I know I haven't been faithful to you all in keeping up with my progress, but I assure you that it's going to change.  Change is good, and I will not run from it.

Week One of Weight Watchers

So today was my weekly Weight Watchers meeting and my weekly weigh-in. Dun Dun Dun..............

But don't worry! It was a great meeting.  I went in and I was telling myself that no matter what happened I know I am making small changes that will last a lifetime.  I walked up to the scale and stood on it, thinking to myself, this is going to be bad.  But then she read what the scale said, and I was pleasantly surprised!  I had lost 3.8 pounds in one week.  And guess what?  There was minimal effort involved to lose those three pounds.  I was amazed!  I followed the program and I am loving eating the foods that I've been eating and what does it show?  Lost weight!  I couldn't believe it..I know I keep saying that, but it's true.  I started thinking to myself, what could happen when I put in 100% effort all of the time, plus add in the activity to get moving? 

Today's meeting was about rewarding yourself.  Not in the way you are thinking.  Not rewarding yourself with a nice big fat piece of chocolate cake.  It was about patting yourself on the bag for the changes that you are making.  If you only lost .8 pounds, at least you lost and just think about all the small things you have done to change.  Our leader said that it was the small things that we did everyday, over and over and over again that got us in the position that we are in now.  So it's going to be the little things that we change for the better that will lead to weight loss and more importantly the permanent changes that are necessary to keep the weight off and maintain a healthy lifestyle!  I'm back on that horse and I'm gonna ride it farther than the horizon! I'm not stopping.  This was just week one!  I can't wait to report back to you next week.  I'm going to work hard and have fun.  I only have this one life so I'm going to make the best of it and live a life that's worth living in a body that I can enjoy that life with!

Signing off for now! Watch out world, here I come!

So Far, So Good

It's been three days since I started Weight Watchers officialy and so far I've been keeping at it pretty good.  The first day was hard and I ended up going over my target points, but that's okay.  You are allowed 49 weekly allowance points so you don't feel deprived.  So far, so good.  I've been sticking to the program pretty good and I know it's going to get even easier as I go.  At least for a while.  I know once you hit week five it can get a little mundane and difficult to overcome the hurdles. 

Tomorrow I start my exercises again.  I'm going to start slow again and work my way up because I  stopped for a couple of weeks.  I'm ready to figuritavely 'jump back on the horse.'  Thank you again to everyone who has helped keep my spirits up.

I'm Back!

Hey again everybody.  I know a lot of you have been wondering where I am, but I assure you that I am back.  I have something to finally write about.  The last couple of weeks have been tough for me.  I hit the perverbial wall.  I wasn't losing the weight and I was having a few health issues that I had to go to the doctor for.  I was starting to feel bummed and that I wouldn't be able to get the weight off.  I was starting to feel like I was going to be like this forever.  But I'm back!  I'm ready to do this again.  I'm going to be doing things a lot differently now. 

I just joined Weight Watchers tonight with my father-in-law.  We are going together to help be each others support system.  Weight Watchers has changed immensly since the last time I went there.  The new Points Plus program really sounds like it's going to be a lot easier to do.  I have to remind myself though that I am not going to the meetings to just lose the weight.  I'm going to keep going to the meetings to keep off the weight and completely change my life for good!  I weighed in at 311.4 lbs.  That pretty much sucks, but I'm not going to let it get me down.  I'm going to really try to do this.  Wait...Scratch that.... I AM going to do this.  I have to take baby steps.  I need to find what works for me and I really hope this will work.  I'm glad to be back on my blod and I hope you all follow my progress.  My blog most likely won't be everyday, but it will be at the very least once a week after my meeting.  Meeting...ha...that kind of sounds like I'm in foody rehab!  I guess in a way I am.  I am addicted to eating.  Not necessarily over-eating, but just food in general.  I don't really know how to eat and I'm hoping that going to Weight Watchers will help me find that niche I've been looking for.

It sounds like the group that goes to the meeting we will be going to is a great group.  Krys, our meeting leader said that this week that group lost a total of 134 lbs!  That really lit a spark in me.  I think I'm going to like this group!  Like Krys says, "Success Breeds Success!" 

Realizations

Hey everyone! I'm back! It's been an interesting couple of weeks for me.  I have lost two pounds out of no where. And guess what? I didn't even exercise. I did, however, count my calories and kept it under 2000 calories a day.  I am realizing that I really need to focus on my diet and nutrition right now.  I'm going to stop exercising right now and really focus on my diet.  I am dealing with some dark demons called hunger and  overindulgence.  I need to get them under control before I go gung ho on the exercising routine again.  I'm not going to stop forever of course but just for a couple of weeks until I get totally used to this eating change.  I'm still waiting on my blood test results but I'm still going to change my calorie intake to see if that was the reason I wasn't losing any weight.  Thank you to everyone who has stood by me with your words of support.  I know I can make it through this weigh-loss battle.  I will be able to change my life and keep it healthy for the rest of my life. 

Interesting Information

So I'm sitting on my bed eating lunch.  Alexis is taking a nap.  All of the sudden my phone rings so I answer it.  On the other line is my father-in-law. 

"I have a proposition for you." He says to me.
At this point I'm really curious what is going on.  Then he begins to tell me about his doctors appointment that he had today.  He is a bigger just like me and pretty much our whole family could use some weight loss.  So he told his doctor that it was frustrating that with a lot of things he has changed that he has only lost five pounds.  He told her that I have been working my tail off (I wish it could be a pun at this time) and have only lost a pound.  One of the things that she told him about was sleep apnea.  She said that sleep apnea can cause a whole mess of problems.  When we go to sleep at night, it is our bodies chance to replenish and revive itself in more ways than just feeling like you had a restful nights sleep.  It is also a time for the oxygen in our organs to be replenished.  This doctor said that people who suffer from sleep apnea have a really hard time losing weight because for some weird reason, and they don't know why this happens, it affects your thyroid.  Most people might not know what the thyroid does.  In a general sense, thyroid hormones are responsible for virtually all metabolic activity in the body from appetite to nerve function and cardiac (heart) function.   So it's a pretty important gland.  When these hormones are being affected, one of the big things that  is hit is your metabolism.  Every time you swallow a bite of sandwich or slurp a smoothie, your body works hard to process the nutrients you've eaten. Long after the dishes are cleared and the food is digested, the nutrients you've taken in become the building blocks and fuel needed by your body. Your body gets the energy it needs from food through the process of metabolism.  So it becomes the cause and effect scenario. 

My father-in-law is going to have a sleep apnea test done and next week when I go to the doctor I'm going to talk to him about that.  Good to get a little bit more information for all of us!

Fork in the Road

What the hell am I doing?  Five weeks I've been at this. Five.  Wanna know how much I've lost?  A pound and a half.  Wanna know how many inches I've lost?  Nothing.  Why am I even trying anymore.  What is going on?  I've been exercising three days a week, I've been changing my eating.  I can count on one hand how many times I've eaten out.  I've had maybe 24 ounces of soda in five weeks.  What the hell?  Am I just doomed to live this life at 306.5 pounds?  I thought by now I would have seen something.  Even five or ten pounds.  But no, I see nothing.  It makes it hard to keep going.  I'm feeling really depressed and down about it.  All I want to do is give up.  Should I go talk to a doctor?  What should I do?  I have tried just about every diet under the sun.  I finally said, 'hey, I'm gonna try to do it natural instead of taking pills or being on a regimented program.'  But no, not even that is working.  I'm at a fork in the road and I don't know which way to go.

Being Flexible

Today has not been such a good day for me.  Last night the wind kicked up really bad and it's even worse today.  Translation?  I have allergies and it's getting warmer and plants are starting to pop up.  Which means I am a miserable person today.  I can barely even function inside of the house let alone outside in my garage.  The garage doesn't have much insulation so everything is blowing inside whether the door is open or shut.  I'm upset about it, but it's really hard to do a workout when you are sneezing every 5 seconds. I'm going to catch up hopeful tomorrow with my workout.  But right now, my eyes are watery and itchy and my nose is runny and sneezy.  I guess we have to be flexible at times.  Not everything can go our way everyday.  'Til next time!

I Know It's Working

Today is the starting of week 5.  Wow, just writing that is kind of amazing.  I've never done anything this regimented for five weeks.  I'm still not losing much weight. I'm still only down two pounds from when I started. But that's okay.  I know it's working.  I just really need to focus on my diet.  I say that it is working because regardless of the amount of weight I've lost I did something yesterday that before these 5 weeks I know I wouldn't have been able to do. 

Carson and I took my father-in-laws new hot rod for a quick spin around the block.  We were coming back up our street when the car died about a block away from our house.  My father-in-law didn't answer his phone, and it was a short distance from the house, that I just said I would go up to the house and get him.  Well, our street is on an incline.  It doesn't seem like much, but you feel it once you get to the top.  I started to walk, but then out of no where I decided to run.  I ran up the hill to the house and wasn't even short of breath.  My knees didn't hurt, and I was even wearing crappy shoes at the time instead of my tennies.  Five weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to do that.  I would have been so out of breath and my knees and back would have felt like they were going to explode with pain. 

So even though the scale says that I haven't changed much, I can feel the changes happening.  I can feel my joints and muscles getting stronger.  I can feel my lungs getting stronger and I can breath better.  I don't breath so hard that I feel like I'm going to pass out.  These little things are the things that keep me going.
In the words of Tom Petty:

Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down

No I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
... and I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down

Well I know what's right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin me around
but I'll stand my ground
...and I won't back down

Changes

So I know you have probably noticed that I didn't write again yesterday.  Well, I've made some realizations about my exercise routine.  I think I began to push myself too hard.  I was beginning to feel burnt out.  I had kind of a wake up call with that because I know that in the past, when I've burned myself out, I stop trying.  I feel exhausted and sore and so fatigued that I can't find the motivation to continue with what I've started.  So I'm slowing back down a bit and taking it at an easier pace.  I will continue to do my twenty minute cardio workout three times a week, but I am stopping the strength training for right now.  I'm just going to bust my ass at cardio and build myself up until I'm at thirty minutes straight.  Then I will start strength training.  The elliptical machine that I've been doing my cardio on is kind of a full body workout anyways. It allows me to do some strength training without extra effort.  I know that this might set my weight loss goal back a little bit, but I know that I need to take it at MY pace so I won't quit. 

I need to also focus more on my healthy eating habits.  I just went grocery shopping today and got a lot of great foods.  Changing eating habits is even more important to me than the exercises.  Having healthy habits is what will keep this going for long-term. And after all, that's what I'm going for.

As the poster with the kitty hanging from a tree branch says, "hang on there baby!"

I'm Still Here

Yes everyone, I am still here.  I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday because it was just a busy day.  But I'm back! And I have yet another workout session under my belt.  It really sucked though. Sucked hardcore! LOL. It was difficult. It was painful. But as always, it was worth it.

Today was kind of an emotional workout for me though.  As I was getting past my warm-up and starting to up the intensity of my workout, I started to hear the awful things and chants that kids used to say to me back in elementary and junior high.  I just wanted to stop what I was doing right there and go hide and cry.  I'm not sure exactly why these things popped up.  I've been over it for many years and I have a happy life, so I didn't really care anymore about it.  But there it was.  I was back in fourth grade again.  It was recess, and all the kids were outside playing over by the playground.  I was fairly new to the school as we had just moved to West Jordan.  I remember it so vividly as if it were yesterday.  A group of mostly girls and some boys started to form a circle around me.  Then one girl started to chant "1-800-JENNY" and everyone else started joining in.  I was so horrified and hurt that I wanted to run away but couldn't.  I was frozen.  Finally a teacher came and broke it up but said nothing.  I went on with the rest of my day, but I had fallen inside myself and didn't look at anyone or say anything.

That is just one of the things that happened to me while I was growing up.  So, while I was working out, I pushed and I pushed even further. I could feel the sweat dripping down my face and the saltiness sting my eyes.  But I had to go forward.  Yes, they are all grown and may have families now. They may even have forgotten all about that day.  But I will not let them beat me. I will not let them continue to win.  I WILL NOT let my daughter go through that. I have to become a good role model for her so that she doesn't have to.

I'm not angry at the people who hurt me while I was growing up.  It's not worth it to hold a grudge this many years later.  But I will never forget them.  I will use it to better myself and to take a stand against obesity! This skin suit does not make me who I am and I will still be here fat or not. I just need to make the outside of my body match my mind! I know I can do it.  Thank you for everyone who has given me such positive and uplifting words of encouragement.  I will not fail this. Failure is not an option!

Time to push forward

I just finished my workout today.  I felt like it was time to up the intensity of my workout.  About halfway through I didn't think I was going to make it, but I pushed through.  I found my meditative state and forgot about the pain.  I'm starting to hit that point in this change where I am finding changing my eating habits has become harder than expected.  Part of it has been that we ran out of money and have to wait until this Friday before we get anymore.  It's very frustrating, but I'm trying to do the best I can.  The other, as we all know, was super bowl weekend.  I must admit that I ate like crap this weekend.  I didn't even think about it. I didn't want to. I just wanted to be able to eat what I wanted, and I feel horrible about it. I probably ate my weight in chips and dip.

Today is a brand new day though, and I'm trying to get back on track.  I am feeling down though.  I have been at this for going on 4 weeks now and I haven't lost more than two pounds.  I know most of that is my own fault. But it's so discouraging.  I didn't think I was eating THAT bad. Yeah, I had a few things here and there, but for the most part I've been doing a lot better than I used to.  I'm finding it hard not to quit and give up.  But I have come too far to give up.  I just need to dig deep and find it in myself to change it. It's hard, but things that are worth having are hard to get. I need to remember to tell myself that...

Can't Stop Me Now!

I feel so amazing right now. I just completed the third week of changing my life! I am so proud of myself for finally sticking with it. It's been three weeks already and it's the longest amount of time I've gone. I'm not stopping there! I'm going to go all the way To the top and get my body in shape and get healthy. I want to be around for my daughter. I want to watch her grow and be there for every step she makes. I know I can only do that if I stick with this!

Healthy on a Budget

This week and next week will be difficult to eat healthy.  It's been tough financially for us since christmas, and right now our food stamp money is all gone until next friday.  It's going to be hard to eat healthy on a limited budget for a week and a half.  I'm going to still try the best I can, but I'll have to eat some bad foods in order to not go hungry.  Eventually we will get back into a normal pace and get back on the right track.  But as for then next little while, I'm going to have to do what I can do.

15 degree weather...you cannot beat me!

Dear weather, you may be cold, frigid more like, and you may make my body sting with your bite.  But you will not defeat me!

Another 20 minute workout notch on my belt!  I am starting to notice little changes to my body.  Certain clothes are starting to fit me better. My legs look a little smaller, and I don't have fat ankles anymore!!!  I can't wait to take some more pictures of me to see if the changes are noticeable. 

This has been an amazing ride so far.  I actually have started to look forward to my workouts.  I feel great during and afterwards.  I have so much more energy and I'm honestly happier!  I'm feeling proud of myself for really the first time ever.  My self-esteem is starting to rise and I feel like I can get out there and show who I am to world without feeling like the world is judging me!

For all of you out there trying to lose weight and get healthy.  Know that you can do it!  All you have to do is believe in yourself and you can accomplish anything!

Okay, okay.  Enough of the motivational speech..lol ^_^

Hope all of you who read this find yourselves happy and well!

Mommy Duties

Today's entry is going to be a short one.  I did a little bit of strength training today but real life calls.  Alexis was up again half the night fighting a horrible rash.  I feel so bad for her.  Today has been an on and off day with her.  Mommy duties are taking over exercising today.  It's not a defeat, but my child takes the priority on this one. 

Real Life

Week three......It's starting out as a pretty tough week.  I'm a little mad at myself today.  I kind of screwed up the whole weekend.  I just went nuts with eating a lot of wrong foods.  I don't want to weigh this morning out of fear of what it might say.  But I'm back on the wagon now and I'm going to do much better.  I think I'm going to start Weight Watchers on my own(not go to meetings because I can't afford it) and try and maintain some structure to my eating habits.

Today started out pretty hard.  I have been thrown back into reality.  The first two weeks were going pretty smoothly and then Alexis was up half the night and then decided to get up at 5:30am this morning.  Needless to say, I'm exhausted from lack of sleep.  It was really hard to find the gumption to workout this morning.  But I stuck with it, took Alexis out in the garage with me and did my workout!  I was even able to get up to 20 minutes like I wanted to.  I feel good about it and I'm going to buckle down and get back on track.  Just because I had a small downfall this past weekend doesn't mean I'm going to quit.  Minor setback. 

Nowhere To Go But Up!

Endurance...UP.  Motivation....UP.  Mood...UP. 

I just rocked my last workout of the week and I finished more than strong!  I decided to start with the elliptical machine today.  Low and behold, I was able to continue past five minutes.  So I kept going at a steady pace.  And wouldn't you know?  I was at 15:35 before long.  I feel amazing!  I feel like I got a great cario/strength training workout and also don't feel like I pushed myself too hard.  I think next week I'm ready to move up my time.  But I'm not going to be devistated if I don't make it to twenty minutes.  If I can make it to 17 or even 18 I'll be happy because I know regardless that I'm pushing myself!  I'm feeling pretty dandy right now.  Life is looking up.

There is nowhere to go but up for me!

Scales and BMI calculators, you are the weakest link! GOODBYE!

I have been feeling great!  This second week, even with some downs has actually been a lot easier than last week.  I'm starting to feel a lot stronger the more I do this.  Another strength training session down today and it feels good.  My muscles are pulsating with the joy of working out!  I've been maintaing a healthy eating pattern as well.  But I've decided some things are just not that important to me now.  The two big things are the scale, and the BMI calculator.  I don't think I'll ever be 130 lbs which is where the BMI states I should be to be a healthy normal weight.  I think I'm okay with that.  But I know that continuing to put pressure on the scale and those calculators are a waste of time and a mental breakdown waiting to happen.  I found these words from a guys blog on Sparkpeople.com.

"The scale and the calculator? Not helpful. Exercise, nutritious eating, and a positive attitude? Very helpful. I'm dumping the former and choosing the latter." SANDIEGOJOHN-

So I'm taking that advice.  I know that thinking about the scale and where doctors say I should be is their opinion.  I know I can still be cury, still be "plus size", and still be healthy.  So I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing and not worry so much about the scale.  I'm going to go off of how my body feels and how my body looks.  If my pants fit looser than I know I'm on the right track!

Signing off for now!

Keep up the great work those of you that are in this weight-loss battle! We can do it!

Okay...I think That was the hardest one yet!

Oh my expletive expletive expletive.  Today's workout was by far the hardest I've done.  But I got it done.

I woke up this morning exhausted and without much reason.  I couldn't keep my eyes open while the baby ran around and watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed under my warm covers and sleep.  We laid the little one down for a nap and got ready to go get our workout done.  My whole being was just telling me not to do it.  It was the devil on my right whispering in my ear.  "You know you don't have to do this" he tells me.  Yes I do.  "Why, you are tired and you did good the two days you worked out. You can take a break today." No I can't. My break days are the weekend. And if I take a break day today, I'll take a break day tomorrow, and so on and so forth.  I'll end up quiting like I always do.  So I pushed myself to get off my ass and just do it.

At first it wasn't too difficult. I could feel my endurance lasting a little longer and not getting tired as quickly.  But that was just on the stationary bike.  After ten minutes I came face to face with my enemy.......The elliptical machine.  In my opinion one of the hardest things to workout on.  It's not only a great cardio machine but it also provides strength training as well.  I set out to do 5 minutes.  Didn't seem like too daunting of a task.  I started out and yeah I could feel the burn but it wasn't too bad.  I can do this.  two and a half minutes past and I can feel my legs start to wobble a little bit.  I keep pushing.  Three and a half minutes.  I'm starting to burn everywhere. Four minutes. Four and a half. Four minutes, fifty seconds. Count down the last ten and I'm finished!!! I felt like I was on fire everywhere.  My legs burned, my lungs burned, my arms burned. But I did it. I finished my goal I set out to do and I'm glad I did.  My legs still feel like jello, but I know it will get a little bit easier each time I do it.

Week 2 Day 3 down and only two left to go! I can make it!

Strength Training

Today was the beginning of my strength training routine.  I am going to do 15 minutes of cardio monday, wednesday, and friday, and about an hour of strength training tuesday and thursday.  I feel pretty good.  I feel sore in places I never thought I had..lol. I guess that's what happens when you start moving your body.  I worked out with Carson today.  It was a lot of fun.  He knows a lot more about strength training than I do so he helped me with my form and he was my spotter when I did bench presses.  We did some medicine ball partner workouts which I absolutely love!  We can't afford a real medicine ball yet so we used Alexis' bouncy ball that was roughly the same size as a medicine ball.  Hey, don't judge!  You gotta start somewhere right? ^_^  I am loving these changes and I'm glad I got my husband to do the change as well.  He's a little ancy to see results right away and I must admit I'm the same way sometimes.  We help keep each other in check.  We want this to be a long term thing.  I don't want to just use a quick method that doesn't help you keep it off.  I think how easy it would be to just order Nutrasystem and have my meals made for me, but honestly, I don't think that method really works.  You may lose weight, but you don't actually LEARN anything about eating right. I'm going to do it the slow way. The right way.  The only way I know how.  And I'm going to work harder than I ever have, but it will all be worth it in the end.

Week 2 Day 1

So here we are.  Week two, day 1 of the rest of my life! 

I was unfortunately woken up at 5:30am this morning by Alexis.  Little one has been battling a bad diaper rash again.  She was up every couple of hours.  Needless to say it was very difficult for me to start my workout this morning.  But Carson hung out with her for a little bit while I went and did my workout.  It was a little too chilly this morning outside so I decided to break out my Wii Active game.  Damn that game rocks!  I started out with some running and walking for a few minutes and then switched to cardio boxing for a few more minutes, then finally did some passing and shooting 'basketball'.  Those workouts might not seem like much but boy do they kick your ass.  I didn't up my time limit on my workout yet.  I still think I'm going to stay with 15 minutes again this week and then next week I'm upping it to 20.  Slow and steady wins the race!  I need to remember to pace myself or I'll burn myself out. 

I'm so glad I decided to just get up and do my workout earlier.  I feel great and energized and am now enjoying a really yummy berry protein shake I made!  I'm using the protein shakes to help me recover from my workouts, plus a breakfast alternative since breakfast is my hardest meal.  The recipe is super easy and delicious!

Very Berry Shake

1 cup non-fat milk
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened strawberries
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries
1 cup frozen vanilla yogurt (I used regular yogurt because I didn't have frozen)
1-2 scoops whey protein powder

OH MY GOODNESS it's delicious!  Nice and thick and creamy.  I'll take this for breakfast any day! 

Okay okay.  I know.  I've been putting it off.  You're probably all wondering about my weigh-in.  Well.... Drumrole please...............

Last weeks weigh-in 01/17/2011: 308 lbs

This weeks weigh-in 01/24/2011: 306.5 lbs!!!

OH YEAHHHHH! It's not a great number but I'm down and that's all that matters to me!  I'm actually looking forward to this week.  I'm feeling very excited about losing weight, exercising and eating healthy! I raise my protein shake up in a toast to healthy and long life! Salud!!!

Week One Down

It's been a pretty good weekend.  I thought it was going to be daunting what with having a free day for food and a free day for exercise.  It hasn't been as bad as I expected.  It actually has been pretty easy to continue to eat healthy.  I did have my one splurge of the week and that was to go to Astro Burgers.  I was going to get a burger but decided instead to get a chicken kabob plate.  It was soooo yummy and the fries were great.  But honestly, I don't really find myself wanting it all the time.  I've been craving healthy foods like fruits and vegetables, so that's what I'm going to give my body.  I have started to notice some immediate changes in my body already in just a weeks time.  Since I exercised everyday I've noticed my body is not as stiff and sore as it usually is when I just sit like a lump on the couch.  I've slept a lot better and I don't feel so sluggish.  That is also a part of changing my diet as well.  I can feel my digestive system flowing a lot smoother!  I don't feel like I have indegestion all the time.  It's been a wonderful feeling. 

Tomorrow is weigh-in day.  I'm actually looking forward to it, but I'm not going to be upset if the numbers haven't changed.  I know that each person is different in the way they lose weight.  If the number hasn't changed, that's okay.  I know that I'm changing things for the better and I'm on my way to healthier me!  The number on the scale will come, but for once I'm not going to be obsessed with it.  It can be disheartening when it only shows you've lost a pound, so I'm not going to pay too much attention to it.  I'm going to keep going down the road that I'm on continue to change my life!  Afterall, this is a LIFESTYLE change.  I have to change the way my mind works as much as the food and exercises. 

One week down!  Bring it on week two! ^_^

Workout Week 1 Accomplished!

I'm so happy with myself right now! I set out a goal to work out everyday this week and I did it! I just accomplished my last workout of the week. Now I'll give myself the weekend to let my body recover. I'm going to keep up with my healthy eating habits the rest of the weekend. Just because I'm not working out doesn't mean I don't get a break from eating healthy. 

This week has been a struggle but an exciting one as well.  I set out to do a lot of things and I'm slowly doing it!  Every other time I've said I'm going to lose weight and that I've had it being this heavy, it never seems to happen.  I guess it comes down to I wasn't ready to change all those times.  The light bulb has come on in my head finally and I really do feel like I'm on the right track.  I've been eating much healthier and I'm happy to report that I have only had two sodas this week.  That's a huge difference from drinking at least 48 oz. every day.  I've been pounding the water, eating vegetable, eating fish, and turkey burgers. I feel great! I don't feel all sluggish like I do when I eat crappy foods and lots of fast food.  I feel like I am regainin my energy.  I sleep better at night and wake up more refreshed.  I am starting to feel the happiness inside me come out to the surface! 

I took some really embarassing before shots yesterday.  It was depressing to look at them but it's also a great motivator.  I'll be posting them shortly and every two weeks I'm going to take an updated shot so maybe we can start seeing the changes!

There were tears shed, body aching, and many thoughts of wanting to just throw in the towel.  But I did it!  I didn't give up and I pushed through it!  Cue the motivational music!

Discouragement Not An Option

I did my workout today.  I felt like crying but Carson talked me up.  I started out with 5 minutes on the elliptical machine and I could feel the burn throughout my entire body.  So I stopped at 5 minutes and went back to the stationary bike and I was planning on doing 10 minutes so I could keep my 15 minute workout routine.  I didn't make the 10 minutes on the bike.  I felt so discouraged. I felt like I had given up.  But my legs just wouldn't go anymore.  I can barely walk up the stairs as it is right now.  Carson talked to me for a while and helped me understand that the elliptical is a much harder machine to workout on than the stationary bike is.  Plus I'm 308 lbs of bad body weighing down on my legs.  He helped me understand that at least I still went out and did my workout. Even though it was only 10 minutes instead of 15 minutes.  It's still hard not to feel down about it but I've decided that discouragement is just not an option right now.  I have gone from no movement to A LOT of movement in just a few days.  I've been watching what I'm eating and I haven't given up yet.  I will not give up!

Workout Kicked My Ass But I Kicked Right Back!

Day Three!

Todays workout kicked my ass! In a good way of course! Today had been the hardest day yet for workout.  The last two days I've been taking it a little bit easier. Taking it slow to get my body adjusted.  I have been working out on the stationary bike for 15 minutes at 18 mph. It doesn't sound like much but it is definately great cardio!

Today I wanted to do things a little bit different.  I have a Wii and I have the Wii Fit game and Wii Active. I prefer Wii Active myself.  It has some pretty intense workouts on there.  I decided I wanted to do more cardio and a little bit of I guess it could be strength training.  So I decided today that I would do 10 minutes on the bike and then do some boxing on the Active for about 5 minutes.  I'm still wanting to stick to my 15 minute workout for this week. Next week I'm thinking of upping it to 20. Small steps = SUCCESS!

I started my workout on the bike and right away my muscles in my legs were screaming at me to stop.  I pushed through it though and made my ten minute mark.  I then came inside to do my boxing routine which consisted of target hitting and heavy bag. (This is all on a video game mind you, but it works!)  Four different sets of target hitting and then heavy bag nearly made me want to quit right away. I had one more workout left to go and my whole body was on fire! I had to push through. I can't quit! I WON'T quit!  I won't let the pain have the power over me! It kicked my ass royaly but I kicked right back and threw it in it's face!

TAKE THAT WORKOUT!!!!!

Why must I eat?

It's day three and I'm finding today rough.  My husband had a really yummy looking breakfast this morning. Two eggs, toast, and fried potatoes with cheese.  My mouth was drooling so bad.  I had oatmeal. It was delicious, but my brain was yelling many expletives at me for not eating the other. I'm trying not to tell myself that I'm on a diet. I'm really not. There isn't much structure to the way I'm changing things. I know what I need to change so I'm changing it. I know more than anything, it's the amount of food I'm eating more than WHAT I'm eating.  But still, there are lots of things that I want really bad but I need to have the willpower to not indulge.  I've been trying to find ways to make my mind think it's getting the yummy great fattening stuff without actually eating the really yummy fattening stuff. It's a lot harder than it sounds. >_<

I wish someone could hypnotize me. LOL I don't think that would work, but hey, it could be an option.....
I am starting to realize that my addiction is food.  It's such a horrible one to have. I think I'd rather be addicted to drugs.  At least there is a treatment program for it.  Being addicted to food is another story.  We as humans need sustenance.  I wish I could just walk around with an IV in my arm feeding me the necessary nutrients that way I wouldn't have to think about it.  *sigh*

These are the moments where I just need to slap myself across the face and wake up! I need to stop making excuses for myself and get off my lazy ass and do it. I know I have it in my to change! I will change. I will stop at nothing to get my life on track.

Night Shift

I am realizing that although this is only day two, I have a TON of bad habits to break. One of my biggest ones is not eating late at night.  One of the things that I've found hard about this is I work the night shift. It's only a few hours every night it's in the crappiest time frame.  I work 6pm-9pm. I have to leave at 5pm to get to work on time because it's quite far away. So I get to eat dinner at 4pm or 4:30pm. I've been trying to find foods that are filling enough to carry me through the rest of the night.  When I was on my way home from work last night, it would have been so easy for me to stop and get a cheeseburger. I almost did. But I pushed myself to just go home. I had some water and tried to forget about it.  That and drinking soda pop are going to be my two hardest things to get over.

I just keep telling myself that it took me years of bad habits to get this way so it's going to take quite a while to break these habits.

Day Two here I come!
I'm off to start my workout in the garage.

Getting Started

This is new. I've nevver been much into blogging, but I figure I'll do just about anything to help encourage myself to get on this track.  I really think the inspiration for this was my cousin Chris Crosby.  He is a big guy and I love him so much.  He has recently begun a journey to better himself by losing weight and getting his life back.  Well, it's made me want to do the same. There have been other things that motivated me to start losing weight for real this time.  My beautiful daughter Alexis.  She is my world and I really want to be there for her as she grows up.  I can barely run around with her for long before I get winded and exhausted.  She is so full of life and energy and I don't want her to feel like mommy doesn't want to play because she can't keep up.  The other thing that really hit me hard was seeing a new tv that is airing tonight.  It's called Heavy.  All I've seen have been previews and commercials about what the show is going to showcase.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  These people were huge.  And it made me want to cry to see how badly they were struggling.  I started thinking to myself, 'how am I any different?' I'm not THAT big. But then I realized something very hard to swallow.  I'm only a breath away from being there if I don't start changing things right now.  So I woke up this morning and put my mind to it.  I went outside, pulled out the excersise bike, and started peddling.  I knew that I couldn't push myself too hard.  I've been not-so-trying to lose weight for several years now and I know that the things I used to do don't work.  So I started slow. Peddling about 6 mph to get my legs warmed up so I wouldn't have a cramp.  Then slowly I upped it to 10 mph, then 15. I kept a steady pace of 15 mph for 15 minutes.  Some of you may be thinking, 'well that's not very much time.' I understand this, but when you haven't really excersised, it's difficult to get right into the swing of things.  I've tried this before and like I stated earlier, it didn't work. 

So day one is here.
308lbs

I haven't set too many goals for myself.
The main ones are:

1. Don't check the scale everyday.
2. No eating late.
3. No soda pop.

These are my first goals.  I want to start small. I don't want to overwhelm myself and doom the process to fail. What have I got to lose?